Hogwarts: BROADWAY STYLE!
by Harry's My Boy
Summary: Something strange is going on at Hogwarts. Everyone is bursting into SONG! Find out what happens when feelings are revealed! Long over used idea with a CREATIVE TWIST! Cowritten with Danbamina. HGHP RWLL
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey everybody!!! Well, Danbamina and I decided that we had such a good response to our love potion story, that it was time to write a song one! Hope you all love this first chappie! This is NOT going to be a one-shot! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW:D Scroll down for disclaimer! ;)**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB!**_

**A Word From Danbamina: hey YALL! Well, since everyone loved our last funny story so much! We decided to write another one! There should be like more than 4 chapters to this story, its hard to write this cause of the whole, 'we don't live in the same house' thing…soooo we have to do our planning VIA emails and stuff, not easy to do at all, let me tell ya! Well R&R and most importantly ENJOY IT! No flames please!**

_**Chapter 1**_

The day started out like any other. All of the students at the school were in the Great Hall, eating breakfast, and talking about the Sadie Hawkin's Dance coming up in six days. For some odd reason only known to him, Professor Dumbledore had decided that the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry needed to try some American customs. This is how the Sadie Hawkin's Dance had come to be scheduled for all years 5 and up.

The weird thing about this Dance was that instead of the traditional guys nervously ask the girls fiasco, girls had to ask the GUYS! The dress code was casual/semi-formal, and many of the girls would giggle nervously whenever a guy would walk by who they wanted to ask.

Anyway, it was breakfast time on Saturday, September 12th, a day like any other that had occurred at the beginning of the school year. Unfortunately for all that were a part of the Wizarding World, an un-nameable (at the present time) force had cast a spell that would make everyone, be they Muggle born, Pure blood, or Half blood, do… strange things. The spell would last a week. One chaotic week to change everyone's lives forever.

Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley, better known as Ron (or Won-Won to his girlfriend, Lavender Brown), were all sitting at the Gryffindor table eating lunch. Lavender was seated beside Ron, gossiping with one of her best friends, Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister. The Trio plus Lavender were all in their seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Ginny, a year younger, was talking with Lavender about another girl in her grade, Luna Lovegood, when something strange and unusual occurred.

"Oh, my, God. Ginny, look at her butt." Lavender was saying nastily as the Ravenclaw sat down across the aisle from them. "It is so big. (scoffs) She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? (scoffs) They only talk to her because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?" Suddenly, music started to play and Luna ducked her head a little in embarrassment as the two "Gossip Queens" started to talk louder and louder. "I mean, her butt, is just so big. (scoffs) I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ..." Suddenly, Ron decided that it would be a good idea to jump up on the table, interrupt his girlfriend, and sing.

_I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring_

Luna looked up in awe as the redhead started to dance rather… suggestively in her direction. Everyone was now staring at Ron as he sang his heart out on the table, acting like nothing was wrong and that this was just a normal thing.

_  
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha  
And take your picture  
My homeboys tried to warn me  
But with that butt you got makes- _

Suddenly, Hermione jumped up on the table with him and yelled, "M-ME SO HORNY!" Several of the teachers gasped at the Head Girl's actions as she now stood to the side of Ron and started back-up dancing. Harry decided to join in on the fun and stood on Ron's other side, opposite from Hermione, doing the same moves.

Just when the teachers thought it could get no worse, several other students from different houses leapt onto THEIR tables and danced as well, causing pandemonium at each. The only adult spectator who seemed to be enjoying this was Professor Dumbledore, who was tapping his fingers on his armrest to beat, eyes a twinkle. Ron continued.

_  
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin  
You say you wanna get in my Benz?  
Well, use me, use me  
'Cause you ain't that average groupy  
I've seen them dancin'  
The heck with romancin'  
She's wet, wet,  
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette  
I'm tired of magazines  
Sayin' flat butts are the thing  
Take the average man and ask him that  
She gotta pack much back  
So, fellas! _("Yeah!" All of the male students roared.)

_Fellas! _("Yeah!" They exclaimed again.)_  
Has your girlfriend got the butt? _("Heck yeah!")_  
Tell 'em to shake it! _("Shake it!")

_Shake it! _("Shake it!")_  
Shake that healthy butt!  
Baby got back!_

_Baby got back!_

Here, Ron took a break and several boys, including himself, started break-dancing in the middle of their cleared off tables. After a bit, Ron raised his voice and sang again.

_I'm actin' like an animal  
Now here's my scandal  
I wanna get you home  
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh_

Professor McGonagall exploded from her seat and started to stalk towards Ronald, who had taken no notice of her indignation. He was just concentrating on Luna, who now looked rather happy.

_  
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy  
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys  
I want 'em real thick and juicy  
So find that juicy double  
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble  
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble  
So I'm lookin' at rock videos  
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes  
You can have them bimbos  
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo  
A word to the thick soul sistas, _

_I wanna get with ya  
I won't cuss or hit ya  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna _(Several girls moaned, and McGonagall continued to weave her way through the Hall.)_  
Til the break of dawn  
Baby got it goin' on  
A lot of simps won't like this song  
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it  
And I'd rather stay and play  
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong  
And I'm down to get the friction on  
So, ladies! _"Yeah!" They screamed.

_Ladies! _"Yeah"_  
If you wanna role in my Mercedes _"Yeah!"  
_Then turn around! Stick it out!  
Even white boys got to shout  
Baby got back!_

Several girls started to dance around Ron, who looked rather happy about his predicament. Luna then stepped onto the table and started to dance with the redhead, while the rest of the girls spread out a little and danced around the couple again. Lavender looked as though she were about to have a seizure, and Professor McGonagall was starting to get closer to the part of the table Ron was at, while Ginny was sinking into her seat in an embarrassed manner. Hermione was dancing with Harry in the middle of the Hall, Parvati with Dean beside them, Padma with Seamus as well, and several other pairs were dancing like them.

_  
Baby got back!  
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, _

_Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection._

_36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".  
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda,_

_Playin' workout tapes by Fonda  
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda  
My anaconda don't want none  
Unless you've got buns, hon _Ron continued.

Now, He turned to Luna and sang especially to her.

_  
You can do side bends or sit-ups,  
But please don't lose that butt  
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role  
And tell you that the butt ain't go  
So they toss it and leave it  
And I pull up quick to retrieve it  
So Cosmo says you're fat  
Well I ain't down with that!  
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'  
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'_

(He turned back to the whole hall)_  
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:  
You ain't it, Miss Thing!  
Give me a sista, I can't resist her  
Red beans and rice didn't miss her  
Some knucklehead tried to diss  
'Cause his girls are on my list  
He had game but he chose to hit 'em  
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em  
So ladies, if the butt is round,  
And you want a triple X throw down,  
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT  
And kick them nasty thoughts  
Baby got back!_

He ended the song with a rather explosive bang, bowing to the crowd as McGonagall, tight-lipped, grabbed him by the ear and started to drag him towards her office in order to issue some detentions for such vulgarity. Ron waved to Luna, who waved back with a giggle as Professor Dumbledore stood to announce that breakfast was over and for them all to go and have an "interesting" day.

_**DISCLAIMER/HARRY'S MY BOY'S AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE SONG "BABY GOT BACK" IS OWNED BY SIR MIX-A-LOT. Also, we obviously don't own HP or any of its characters, 'cause, well, we'd be RICH if we did! ;) Anyway, the number 1-900-MIXALOT was in the lyrics, so we left it alone, as well as the Mix-a-Lot's in trouble thing. Anyway, PLEASE R&R AND NO FLAMES! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!**_

**A Word From Danbamina: Hope yall enjoyed this first chapter! We'll update as soon as we can! REVIEW! And once again…NO FLAMES! ;) thank you for reading! Come back soon ya hear?!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: OMG! I can't believe that we got such a good response for this! I mean, I knew that it was cool, but I wasn't expecting everybody to love it so much! Anyway, we're going to update now, so… BYE!**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB**_

**A Word from Danbamina: ****Hey y'all! We liked our reviews so much that we decided to put in a song from Rocky Horror Picture Show and our favorite male stripper is gonna sing it! Enjoy it!**

_Chapter 2:_

Harry and Hermione were walking around on the grounds. They had decided that it would be a good idea for them to go outside whilst Ron was being punished by McGonagall. The Common Room was passé, the Room of Requirement was SO yesterday, and no one ever went to the Astronomy Tower anymore. They were lounging underneath their favorite tree when Ron suddenly ran up to them, mumbling something about McGonagall and the guillotine.

"Ron, what are you mumbling about?" Hermione asked in an exasperated manner when he sat down across from the pair, sat in an ant bed, and jumped up, swearing loud enough to wake the dead.

"I'm mumbling about- OW! Bloody ants…- how McGonagall- BOLLOCKS!- has decided that for my "serious lack of respect for females" I have to do detention every night- MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!- this week polishing different trophies different women won at this school." Ron finally got rid of all of the ants and sat down beside Harry, checking for an ant hill before resting there. Suddenly, a blond, well-built guy in a brilliant gold shirt walked up to them.

"Hey Harry, Ron, Hermione!" He said to the Trio.

"Hey Klaus!" Hermione greeted, while Ron and Harry pretended like they hadn't heard him. Klaus was a bit… strange. He was an exchange student (originally from Transylvania) from Durmstrang who was "secretly" a male stripper. Klaus was a Metamorphmagus, and he was known as Klaus, Claude, or, when he couldn't find work as a male, Claudine. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy walked by, and Klaus got this dreamy look on his face. "Klaus, just ask him! You'll never know till you try!" Hermione said encouragingly. Why she said these types of things to him, Hermione would never know.

"Thanks, Herms, but last I heard, Malfoy was straight." Klaus sighed.

"What're you looking at, freak?" Malfoy snarled.

"Your fine arse, actually." Klaus said matter-of-factly back.

"What is with you?" Malfoy said with a weird look on his face as he started to walk away. Suddenly, electric guitar started to play. "WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS IT NOW???" Malfoy shrieked, only to be answered by Klaus's voice singing behind him:

_How do you do _

_I see you've met my _

_Faithful handyman _

_He's just a little brought down_

_Because when you knocked  
He thought you were the candy man_

Klaus paraded towards Malfoy, who now had a mortified look on his face.

_Don't get strung out by the way I look  
Don't judge a book by it's cover  
I'm not much of a man by the light of day  
But by night I'm one heck of a lover_

Suddenly, Klaus whipped off his clothes(exposing his well-muscled torso) and he was standing there in nothing but his crimson boxers with polar bears on them, with his hands on his hips and moving said hips around in a circle and smiling brightly.

_I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania _

Now, Klaus walked up to Malfoy and stroked his chin, talking now to him and Goyle, whom he also… there's no adjective or verb for it._  
_

_  
Let me show you around  
Maybe play you a sound  
You look like you're both pretty groovy  
Or if you like something visual  
That's not too abysmal  
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie_

Malfoy found himself singing as well.

_  
I'm glad we caught you at home  
Could we use your phone  
We're both in a bit of a hurry _

"Right!" Goyle put in.

_  
We'll just say where we are _

_Then go back to the car  
We don't want to be any worry  
_

_  
_Klaus jumped in.

_  
Well you got caught with a flat  
Well _(Klaus raised one eyebrow.)_ how about that  
Well babies don't you panic  
By the light of the night  
It'll all seem alright  
I'll get you a satanic mechanic _

_  
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania  
_

_Why don't you stay for the night_

"Night!" Harry whispered from Klaus's left.

_  
Or maybe a bite _

"Bite!" Hermione whispered from his right all of a sudden.

_  
I could show you my favorite obsession  
I've been making a man _

_With blond hair and a tan _

At this, Klaus reached out and took a strand of Malfoy's platinum blonde hair in-between his thumb and index finger and twirled around his finger and raised his eyebrows once and smirked at him-in that suggestive way that only Klaus can do-and then he let go and walked a couple of paces backwards.

_  
And he's good for relieving my tension _

_  
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania  
_

_I'm just a sweet transvestite _("SWEET TRANSVESTITE!" Ron, Harry, and Hermione chimed in.)

_From transsexual Transylvania _("TRANSYLVANIA!" The three sang again.)_  
_

_  
So come up to the lab _

_And see what's on the slab  
I see you shiver with antici _(Klaus paused for a rather long time, and Malfoy gestured expectantly with his arms) _...pation  
But maybe the rain _

_Isn't really to blame  
So I'll remove the cause _(Klaus started to laugh.)

_But not the symptom_

Klaus finished his song and took a bow to his astounded audience. Nothing happened for a second, two, three. Suddenly, Malfoy took off, sprinting for the Slytherin Common Room, yelling that he was leaving the next day. "UNTZ, UNTZ, DRACO!" Klaus called after him. Goyle stood in stunned silence, while Crabbe just stared at Klaus in wonder. Hermione laughed at their reactions until Ron tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yeah, Ron?" Hermione asked, turning toward her friend.

"Who's Steve Reeves?"

Later, after Hermione had finished drooling over Steve Reeve's, the Trio were sitting in the Common Room. They were just lounging on their respective chairs and couch. While they had been walking through the halls, Romilda Vane, a girl who wanted Harry to ask her to the dance, burst into song singing:

_I did cause a commotion_  
_I can't help but make a scene _(Romilda winked at Harry.)_  
I ain't lookin for somethin'_

_Preeminent to get at me  
Tell you what it's gonna be  
You better step up your game  
Before you can step with me  
_

_  
Can't you see me walkin through the door _("DOOR!" Some girls sang.)_  
Maybe I should turn it up a little but more _("MORE!")_  
I can't help but feel responsible  
For what the girls hate  
And the boys adore  
_

_  
Say hey what's it gonna be tonight_

Romilda sang by herself.

_  
Come hit me up  
Come hit me up_

The same girls chimed in.

_  
Say hey party with me tonight  
Come hit me up  
Come hit me up_

All three just ignored this strange turn of events, leaving Romilda to sing to an enraptured Neville.

"OK, Hermione, what the bloody hell is going on?" Ron asked bluntly, sitting up from his lazing position on the plush couch.

"How am I supposed to know?" Hermione asked, giving him an angry glare for his language.

"Well, come on, it's not like you don't know anything! You know absolutely everything that's going on! You're a know-it-all for Christ's sake!"

Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but Harry beat her to it. "Do you actually listen to what comes out of your mouth, or is it just some big roaring sound?" Harry growled. "Hermione isn't all brains, you know! She's beautiful, and funny, and caring, and sweet, and she's more of a woman than you or I could ever deserve!" Harry stopped to take a breath. Ron was staring at him in shock, and Hermione was blushing as red as a beet. Suddenly, Harry realized what he had said. "I didn't mean that. Arrgh… I mean I did, but… bollocks." Harry ran his hands through his hair. "What I mean is… Alright, I'll just shut up now…"

"Harry," he looked up from the "fascinating" carpet. "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" Hermione asked, Ron forgotten. The uncertainty shone in his eyes.

"I…" Conviction suddenly appeared in his gaze. "Absolutely, and without a doubt." Hermione looked down in embarrassment and stood to escape to the Girl's Dormitory. "Hermione, don't go," Harry said in panic, jumping up after her.

"Why?" She asked, rounding on him.

"Because…" He stated to the floor as he turned red in the face.

"Harry, I can't fall in love. I have to study" She said to him.

"You can't fall in love? That's terrible! Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is love!" He replied enthusiastically, following her towards the stairs.

"Please don't start that again," Hermione groaned.

(**Hermione**, _Harry_, _**Both**_, Talking)

_All you need is love! _(Harry sang.)

"A girl has got to eat!" Hermione put in.

_All you need is love!_

"She'll end up on the street!" Hermione continued.

_All you need is love!_

**Love is just a game.**

_  
I was made for loving you baby,  
You were made for loving me_

Harry sang deeply, jumping in front of the bottom stair, which she was standing on.

**The only way of loving me baby,  
Is to pay a lovely fee**

_Just one night  
Give me just one night_

**There's no way  
Cause you can't pay**

_In the name of love!  
One night in the name of love!_

_**You crazy fool  
I won't give in to you**_

_Don't, leave me this way.  
I can't survive, without your sweet love,  
Oh baby, don't leave me this way._

**You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...**

Hermione looked away, towards the window.**  
**

_I look around me and I see it isn't so  
_

**Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs**

_Well what's wrong with that?  
I'd like to know.  
Cause here I go... again..._

Suddenly, Harry jumped up onto a table, spreading his arms like wings.

_  
Love lifts us up where we belong!  
Where eagles fly,  
On a mountain high!  
_

**Love makes us act like we are fools.  
Throw our lives away,  
For one happy day.  
**

_We could be heroes...  
Just for one day.  
_

**You, you will be mean.  
**

_No, I won't. _Harry laughed._  
_

**And I, I'll drink all the time. **Hermione threw up her arms.

_We should be lovers...  
_

**We can't do that.  
**

_We should be lovers!  
And that's a fact.  
_

**Though nothing, would keep us together.**

_We could steal time..._

_**Just for one day.  
We could be heroes,  
Forever and ever,  
We could be heroes,  
Forever and ever,  
We can be heroes...**_

_Just because I... will always love you...  
_

**I...  
**

_**...Can't help loving...**_

_...You..._

**How wonderful life is,**_  
_

_**Now you're in, the world...**_

Harry and Hermione smiled shyly at each other as the music ended. Harry opened his mouth to say something. "Will you go with-"

"WOW! That was sappy!" Ron suddenly said, ruining the moment. Harry glared at Ron, and Hermione turned a brilliant red and ran off to the dormitory. All that Ron saw to show that he did wrong was an extremely large fist that looked suspiciously like Harry's, and then he was examining the ceiling in the Hospital Wing.

_**DISCLAIMER: SWEET TRANSVESTITE IS OWNED BY ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, HIT ME UP IS OWNED BY GIA FARREL, THE ELEPHANT LOVE MEDLEY IS OWNED BY MOULIN ROUGE!, AND HP AND ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS AND PLACES ARE OWNED BY JK ROWLING. OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T BE CONTRIBUTING IT TO A WEBSITE FOR ALL TO SEE!!!**_

_**A/N: Wow, that was fun:D Anyway, hope you guys liked the chappie!!!**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB**_

**A Word from Danbamina: ****HEY YALL! Well, y'all are probably wondering WHY Klaus said he was from TRANSYLVAINIA...see he was BORN in Transylvania and then he moved to Bulgaria and from there to Scotland. so now you know! See y'all in the next chapter! Please review! No flames! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: PEACE, HO! (OK, before I continue with my Author's Note, I should probably explain my new catch phrase. No, I am not calling you the reader(s) ho(s). I am quoting SHAKESPEARE! OK? OK!) After a long time of idleness, I have FINALLY DECIDED to post another chapter. OK, Danbamina screwed up my plot. Stupid plot… So, NOW there going to be two similar stories SLIGHTLY coauthored by us. Danbamina's will go one way, and mine the other, then there going to meet again at some undesignated time. THEREFORE, I have a while all to myself!!! WOOT!!! Therefore, I DON'T NEED a word from Danbamina, MUAH HA HA! HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA!... HA! Anyways, enjoy le chappie!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it's universe, yada yada, any of the songs, yada yada, and so on and so forth.**

Chapter 3:

The next day, Hermione was still avoiding Harry, Harry was furious with Ron, and Ron was clueless as to what he had done wrong in the first place.

"_Alright, now, Hermione, get a grip. Sure, you want to ask him to the Dance now, but what if he says no? Well, obviously he won't since you both sang that duet yesterday, but still… Aah! Here he comes!"_Hermione stopped pacing through the hall and leapt into a broom closet conveniently located to her left. "_Stupid!_" Hermione berated herself as she pressed her ear to the door to listen for the dying sound of his footsteps.

Suddenly, the door she was leaning on had disappeared, and the ground was rushing up to meet her face in welcome. Hermione started to roll over to get up with stars floating around in her vision, but she found that a heavy weight was now on top of her lower back, restricting her movement. She was just about to tell the perpetrator to get off her_ now_, when a suspiciously familiar voice asked her if she was OK. Immediately, Hermione attacked him. "NO I AM NOT BLOODY OK, HARRY! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK SUCH A QUESTION?"

"I was just asking!" He replied. Harry continued to sit on her back and Hermione could just imagine him twiddling his thumbs.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! GET OFF ME THIS INSTANT!" Hermione shrieked as air was forced from her lungs.

"Say please." His voice said quietly from just above her head.

"NO! I WILL NOT SAY BLOODY PLEASE! YOU'RE THE ONE SITTING ON TOP OF MY BLOODY BACK!" Hermione was starting to get frustrated.

"Cursing won't get you anywhere in the world, Hermione."

"I BLOODY KNOW THAT! THIS IS YOUR BLOODY INFLUENCE SHOWING THROUGH!"

"I'm not _that_ bad, though. You must be getting me confused with Ron."

"Will you just get off me?" Hermione asked hoarsely. Harry remained silent, waiting expectantly. "Please?" Hermione finished, rolling her eyes.

"See? That wasn't so hard!" Harry said as he clambered off of her and helped her stand up. Hermione made to bolt, but Harry grabbed her wrist. "You're not going anywhere." He stated simply. "Not until you talk to me."

"No," she said, tugging her arm futilely. "I'm not important." Harry sighed in an exasperated manner. This wasn't going anywhere. Suddenly, music filled the halls and Harry had this enormous urge to _sing_ about what he was feeling.

_I don't mind you comin' here_

He sang, surprising even himself at how good he sounded.  
_  
And wastin' all my time  
cause when you're standin' oh so near  
I kinda lose my mind_

Harry grinned at the look of surprise on Hermione's face.  
_  
It's not the perfume that you wear  
It's not the ribbons in your hair  
I don't mind you comin' here  
And wastin' all my time_

There were a few measures of music where Harry danced randomly.  
_  
I don't mind you hangin' out  
And talkin' in your sleep  
It doesn't matter where you've been  
As long as it was deep, yeah  
You always knew to wear it well and  
You look so fancy I can tell  
I don't mind you hangin' out  
And talkin' in your sleep _

Suddenly, the tempo increased, and a small crowd had gathered to watch "the Chosen One" sing to his Muggleborn.

_I guess you're just what I needed  
_

Neville, Ron, and Klaus jumped out of the crowd and chimed in, singing, "Just what I needed!"  
_  
I needed someone to feed _

Harry continued.  
_  
I guess you're just what I needed (Just what I needed)  
I needed someone to bleed _

There was a guitar solo in which Harry, Neville, Ron, and Klaus all danced in synchronization.  
_  
I don't mind you comin' here  
And wastin' all my time time  
cause when you're standin' oh so near  
I kinda lose my mind, yeah  
Its not the perfume that you wear  
Its not the ribbons in your hair  
I don't mind you comin' here  
And wastin' all my time_

_I guess you're just what I needed (Just what I needed)  
I needed someone to feed  
I guess you're just what I needed (Just what I needed)  
I needed someone to bleed_

_I guess you're just what I needed (Just what I needed)  
I needed someone to feed  
I guess you're just what I needed (Just what I needed)  
I needed someone to bleed  
Yeah, yeah, so feed me_

Neville, Ron, and Klaus finished the song repeating, "Just what I needed!" over and over.

Now, Harry knelt panting in front of Hermione, who had her hands over her mouth and was blushing profusely. In shock, she slowly lowered her hands to reveal the widest smile Harry had ever seen on her face. "Harry," she whispered, but he could here her perfectly in the silence of the hall. "Will you go to the Dance with me?"

"YES!" He exclaimed, jumping from the flagstone floor in enthusiasm and hugging Hermione excitedly. "I've never gone to a dance with a girl I actually like!"

"Hey!" a girl exclaimed from the crowd.

"Sorry, Parvati!" Harry replied, not even taking his eyes off Hermione.

"_I don't think I've ever seen him so happy_," Hermione thought as people gathered around to congratulate them. "_I hope it lasts_."

(H)

"Bollocks," Voldemort muttered angrily in a musty room miles away. "He's happy. I can _feel_ it. He's never been this happy…"

"My Lord," Wormtail snuffled from the door, "Master Malfoy is here to seek an audience with you."

"Show him into the Hall." Voldemort sighed. He stood and entered the previously mentioned room, the biggest in the house. Henchmen milled around the room as Voldemort silently stalked to his chair across the area. He felt more than heard the silence and muttering that followed in his wake. Finally, he sat in his "throne" and realized he had the attention of the entire Hall. Thinking about how impressive and commanding he probably looked, Voldemort smirked as Lucius walked in.

"You wanted to see me?" Voldemort asked silkily.

"M-my L-lord, it's r-ready." Lucius stuttered under his smoldering gaze.

"EXCELLENT! It'll be Saturday then!" Voldemort exclaimed in an emotion similar to glee… except more Voldemort-y. Immediately, evil music started playing and Voldemort danced into the middle of the room. (**A/N: OK, **_**that's**_** a sight not suitable for children.)**

_From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper  
The head that made headlines in every newspaper  
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job  
That cunning display that made London a sob Now comes the real tour de force  
Tricky and wicked, of course  
My earlier crimes were fine for their times  
But now that I'm at it again  
An even grimmer plot has been simmering  
In my great criminal brain _

Voldemort cackled evilly and then the entire room started singing._  
_

_Even meaner? You mean it?  
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?  
You're the best of the worst around  
Oh, Voldemort  
Oh, Voldemort  
The rest fall behind  
To Voldemort  
To Voldemort  
The world's greatest criminal mind  
_

Voldemort held a hand up and the crowd stopped singing. ,"Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate hero Harry Potter." The henchmen booed. "For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind."

"Aww…" The henchmen halfheartedly replied.

"But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Potter, can stand in my way! All will bow before me!" Voldemort exclaimed.

_Oh, Voldemort  
Oh, Voldemort  
You're tops and that's that  
To Voldemort  
To Voldemort  
_

The crowd stopped, but Pettigrew continued, singing, "_To Voldemort, the world's greatest man_." After he said the preposterous statement, Pettigrew continued to hiccup quite loudly, as he had been sneaking into the stores of Firewhiskey in the basement and was now quite drunk.

"What was that? What did you call me?" Voldemort nearly shouted in fury.

"Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Sir." Lucius tried to cover for Pettigrew.

"I-it was just a slip of the tongue." Rookwood tried.

"I AM NOT A MAN!" Voldemort shouted.

"'Course you're not. You're better!" Nott, always the sycophant replied.

"Yeah, that's right. Right! Better." Bellatrix added her two bits.

"Yeah, a lot better!" Lucius continued.

"SILENCE! Oh, my dear Pettigrew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me." Voldemort hissed and summoned his pet using Parseltongue.

Pettigrew paid him no mind and continued singing.

_Oh, Voldy-Mort hic  
Oh, Voldy-Mort hic  
You're the tops and that's that_  
_To Voldy-Mort  
To Voldy-Mort  
To Voldy-Mort, the world's greatest -_

Suddenly, Nagini reared her head out of the crowd and bit off Pettigrew's head. Then, to show her contentment, she hissed loudly. "Oh, Nagini, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy her tasty treat?" Voldemort asked in a baby voice. (**Yet another frightening image.**) Nagini burped.

"I trust there will be no further interruptions? And now, as you were singing?" Voldemort asked with a glare, stroking Nagini's scaly head. The henchmen forced smiles and continued in fear.

_Even louder  
We'll shout it!  
No one can doubt what we know you can do  
You're more evil than even you  
Oh, Voldemort  
Oh, Voldemort  
You're one of a kind  
To Voldemort  
To Voldemort  
The world's greatest criminal mind_

The song ended spectacularly, and somehow Rookwood and Nott ended up swinging from the chandelier. Once everyone had finished, they all stared at Voldemort, wondering what in the world had just happened. "What're you all staring at?" He asked in frustration with a glare. "Get back to work!"

(M)

Ron tossed a neon green fuzzy ball against the wall and caught it on the rebound. Seamus had said it was a 10-is ball, but Ron couldn't understand what the ten stood for. He stared at the view from the top of Astronomy Tower without really seeing it. "_Why did I sing about Luna_?" He thought. "_Shouldn't I be singing about my love for Lavender?_" Luna thundering through the door he just happened to be sitting behind soon interrupted these "deep" thoughts. Unfortunately, he was also located where the door could hit him during its arc. The blow only hit his face, but it still stung phenomenally.

Ron blinked away the Puffskeins floating in his vision that were singing about Gnargles and radishes to find Luna kneeling in front of him with a concerned expression. "Are you OK?" She asked in her dreamy voice. "I didn't see you behind the door there."

"I th-think so." Ron stuttered. She was so close he could smell the shampoo she used. "Mmm…" he thought. "Vanilla…" Great… now he was hungry!

Luna giggled at the look on Ron's face. "Are you sure you're alright?" She finally choked out. "You look like you were just clubbed over the head by a fluffy-headed ninny-muggins!" She giggled again, and Ron started laughing as well, though he had no idea what a fluffy-headed ninny-muggins was.

"Luna, would you like to come with me on the next Hogsmede weekend?" It was out of his mouth before he even had time to think.

"Only on one condition, Ronald." Luna smiled. "And that's if you," she poked his chest, "come with me to the Sadie Hawkin's Dance."

"Deal." Ron didn't even think about what Lavender would do when she found out.

(B)

Luna watched Ron as he dazedly walked down the stair about half an hour of small talk after she hit him with the door. "_I hope he's going to be alright_." She thought worriedly. She sighed and looked up at the stars twinkling coldly in the night sky.

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

She sang and stood up.  
_  
Each morning I get up I die a little  
Can barely stand on my feet  
Take a look in the mirror and cry  
Lord what you're doing to me  
I have spent all my years in believing you  
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!_

Luna leapt onto the battlements and held her arms out, the wind teasing her hair and all Hogwarts spread below her.  
_  
Somebody, somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love? _

Luna jumped down and trudged across the floor.  
_  
I work hard every day of my life  
I work till I ache in my bones  
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -  
I get down on my knees  
And I start to pray  
Till the tears run down from my eyes _

Luna fell to her knees.  
_  
Lord - somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?  
Everyday - I try and I try and I try -  
But everybody wants to put me down  
They say I'm goin' crazy  
They say I got a lot of water in my brain  
Got no common sense  
I got nobody left to believe  
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah_

___Oh Lord  
Somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love?  
_

Luna started dancing, swinging her hair from her eyes._  
__  
Got no feel, I got no rhythm  
I just keep losing my beat  
I'm ok, I'm alright  
I ain't gonna face no defeat  
I just gotta get out of this prison cell  
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!_

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love _

_____Find me somebody to love_

_____Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

Luna smiled to herself and walked towards the Common Room. It was late, and she had to get to bed.

(is)

Monday morning, Harry grinned to himself. He was so happy he thought he was going to sing at any given moment. Although he had had Double Potions that day, he honestly could not be any happier. It all had started when Snape rather spectacularly started class.

_____(Flashback)_

_____Harry was in Double Potions, and no one was that happy to be in class. Not even the Slytherins enjoyed the blatant favoritism anymore. Just when everyone thought it was going to be another boring day, music started to play throughout the dungeons. Everyone then realized _Snape_ was the one who was about to sing and watched expectantly.____  
_

Let's get down to business  
To complete

_____Snape whipped out two bottles separately_

Potions  
Did they send me failures  
When I asked for none?  
You're the saddest bunch  
I ever met

_____Snape glowered at the entire class._

But you can bet  
Before we're through  
Mister, I'll

_____Snape looked pointedly at Harry._

Get an "O"  
Out of you___  
_  
Tranquil as a Mooncalf  
But on fire within

_____Snape added the bottles to his cauldron and the mixture lit the room with fiery reds and golds._

Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot  
And you haven't got a clue  
Somehow I'll get an "O"  
Out of you

_____The students decided that now would be a good time to join in._

I'm never gonna catch  
my breath

_____Padma sang._

Say good-bye to those  
Who knew me

_____Hermione added._

Boy, was I a fool in school  
For taking this

_____Harry continued._

This guy's got 'em  
scared to death

_____Dumbledore sang as he poked his head through the door._

Hope he doesn't see  
right through me

_____Neville sang on key._

Now I really wish that I  
knew how to read

_____Goyle added among the giggles of some of the girls. Then, the whole class started singing together._

(Get an "O")  
We must be swift as  
the winged Thestral  
(Get an "O")  
With all the force  
of a great Dragon  
(Get an "O")  
With all the strength  
of a burning Phoenix  
Mysterious as the  
dark side of the moon

_____Snape finally continued the song by himself._

Time is racing toward us  
till exams arrive  
Heed my every order  
and you might survive

_____Snape stalked toward Harry, malice inscribed on his features._

You're unsuited for  
this class of course  
So pack up, go home  
you're through  
How could I get an "O"  
out of you?_____  
_

_____Harry glared with determination at Snape and started making the potion on the board. The class sang as he worked._

(Get an "O")  
We must be swift as  
the winged Thestral  
(Get an "O")  
With all the force  
of a great Dragon  
(Get an "O")  
With all the strength  
of a burning Phoenix  
Mysterious as the  
dark side of the moon

_____A bead of sweat fell off Harry's brow and nearly fell into his cauldron._

(Get an "O")  
We must be swift as  
the winged Thestral  
(Get an "O")  
With all the force  
of a great Dragon  
(Get an "O")

_____Everyone watched nervously as Harry handed Snape his vial, who took one glance at it and filled out a rubric. He handed it to Harry, and at the top was a large red "O."_

With all the strength  
of a burning Phoenix  
Mysterious as the  
dark side of the moon

_____Every person in the class cheered for Harry, except for the Slytherins, and Harry and his friends shouted their victory. Suddenly, Snape realized what he had just done, and he swept out of the room in a swirl of cloaks, muttering something about class ending early and vodka._

(_____End Flashback_)____

(awesome)___**  
**_

**A/N: Well, that's it for now! Thank you for all your support, sorry for the long wait, and Happy Reading! If I don't post before the holidays, Merry Christmas!**

**Disclaimer: "Just What I Needed" is owned by the Cars, "Oh Voldemort" is to the tune of 'Oh Ratigan" from **_**The Great Mouse Detective**_**, owned by Disney or whoever, "Somebody to Love" is owned by Queen, and finally, "I'll Make an "O" Out of You" is based on the song "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from **_**Mulan**_**. If I forgot anything, sorry in advance, and PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REVIEW!**


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